His Past Teen Titans One-shot
by Skeltons in the closet
Summary: Robin revisits his past on a hollow Christmas day. The memories may not be so inviting as he agonizes over another destroyed holiday. With the help of Starfire he is able to overcome his grief and finally accept that he's an orphan, in the end earning a little something from her under the mistletoe. ;)


Teen Titans one-shot: His Past

**_Notes from the Author:  
_ This is a one-shot, meaning there will be no more chapters after this, but I just got inspiration, and I know it's not Christmas but what the hell, who cares. I decided Robin needs a past (although what I've come up with I know is not accurate, I still like this idea) and thus came about His Past. We see a deep connection between him and Starfire, with a hinted romance on the side. We see some old feelings of betrayal and demons of his past surfacing as well, so I just really hope you enjoy what I have for you. Hopefully I got the character portrayal alright, :\ lemme know whatchu guys think, k? K! Oh, and I make reference to my other Teen Titans Fanfic, Weapons of Masse Destruction, but don't worry I don't expect you guys to read it. All you have to know is that a new girl joined their team, her name's Zelda.**

**~o0o~  
**

I awoke to several thundering footsteps echoing the halls just outside my door. It was nearly eight in the morning, but, being out late last night defending Jump City and then Christmas shopping with the gang, I was overly exhausted. I guess I just never felt the same joy for the holiday as my teammates did, but being their leader, I couldn't afford to miss out on this Christmas. It was our second or third Christmas as a team, the first two however weren't celebrated. One we were out saving the world, the second we just skipped over, because none of us really felt in the celebrating mood. That or we didn't know there was a holiday. Starfire had never had Christmas before, as I recalled. She had no idea what it was, but she sure got excited about it after Beast Boy explained the whole thing to her.

I swung my legs over the bed, dreading having to get up, but I knew there would be chaos if I wasn't up to supervise. Opening my closet I thumbed through suits until finding one that wasn't in need of repairs. This was the same design suit I wore everyday, but I never grew tired of it, and so far no one complained. Quickly I pulled on my mask, and spiked up my hair; this holiday was going to be just like all my other ones, no different. I didn't expect it to be, just another year of the festivities being shoved in my face to remind me of all the times I spent this holiday alone.

~o0o~

Not an hour later and the team had the whole place spiffed up for tonight. Wreaths were hanging on every door, Christmas lights around every room, a tree in our living room kitty-corner to the TV. They said everything was perfect, I agreed, but, that was a lie. Starfire cooked popcorn in the kitchen while Beast Boy and Cyborg raced against each other on the Xbox. Zelda, our newest team member, left yesterday so she could spend her holiday with her family and old team. We all were gunna miss her, but knew she had her own plans made already. My eyes searched for one more missing member: Raven, who hovered in a corner, book in front of her. I just watched in a sort of distant fog, the memories of my real family's last Christmas together, before they - well - disappeared.  
"Robin," Raven's voice seeped from the shadows, I turned to her in less-than-eager anticipation. Her always frowning face gawked at me, as if I had been the one to call to her.  
"What?" I asked, confused entirely. She just floated over, sending her book down the hall, no doubt to her bedroom.  
"Isn't this holiday supposed to be the happiest of all of them?" She almost sounded sarcastic, a hint of smiles playing at her lips. I shrugged, pretending to smile and be happy to talk. Truthfully, though, I'd rather be spending this day in my room, alone. "Then why aren't you smiling, my dear?" I asked in return, hoping to spin the tables around. But Raven was not an entirely selfish person, she honestly cared about us in the team, she wouldn't be so easily put off.  
"I was going to ask you the same thing, Team Leader." I took in air only to press it back out through clenched teeth, wondering if I thought hard enough they might all disappear for a day, and I'd be at peace. But, no such luck. I'm no super hero, just an ordinary boy.  
"Christmas doesn't hold as many good memories for me as I know it does Beast Boy, or Cyborg, and even Star, though she hasn't ever celebrated." Anybody else and I would've clamped up, refused them entry into my personal life and conflictions. But one event brought Raven and I together, she knew how my mind worked. I could trust her. "But please," I offered pleadingly. "Don't say anything to the others. I don't want to spoil their Christmas." Her violet eyes reached into mine, knowingly, understandingly.  
"I won't." She murmured as she flew away. She entered the kitchen to press Starfire about the food, they joked, and I left.

Out on the roof I thought I'd at least find some privacy. But all that welcomed me was loneliness. The cold breeze blew past my jet black hair, my cape swishing along with it. Here there was quiet, peace, I could think, but I was alone. It seemed despite all my wishes, my agonizing, and my fresh painful memories being alone was the exact opposite of what I wanted. I needed the comfort of knowing at least that there was someone with me that cared, someone I could share my experiences with and they would comfort me, and tell me they'd never abandon me, and mean it. Standing up hurriedly as the sun drifted overhead, I took one last look over the ocean. We could see for miles from the top of Titans Tower; Jump City lay below in a wintery fog, the ocean carrying drifts of ice to the shore. I jumped down from the ledge and hurried inside where it was warm. Inside I met Starfire in the hall, we nearly knocked each other over. "Oh! Robin, I was just searching for you." She giggled, blushing slightly like she did all the time. I chuckled, for once able to smile, it seems I just ran into the person I was searching for.  
"We are ready and delighted to go to Joe's Pizza place for lunch, if you are, then we shall depart and travel there immediately!" She cheered, voice strong and high, as was the norm for this alien girl. I laughed before I responded, "Sure. I'd love to." She squealed in delight, taking my hand and leading the way to the others. I stopped her in the hall, hesitation freezing me in place.  
"What is it, Robin?" She asked worriedly, floating to the floor in front of me. She still stood a good two inches taller than me, and it wasn't her shoes. "I-I need to tell you something, Star." I stuttered, considering the possibility that I may regret this. I should just tell Raven, she's the one who's been inside my head, she knows me inside out. But, there was something about the redhead standing in front of me, green eyes twinkling in that way that tells you she genuinely cared, that made me _want _to tell Star.  
"Um." I hesitated again.  
"Is everything all right? Did I do something to upset you?" She worried still, subconsciously floating up as she talked. She looked rather intimidating to me, although she wasn't trying to be. "No," I breathed, chuckling at the end, I looked down. "It's nothing like that..." I let my voice trail, wondering how I could word this exactly. It wasn't like I didn't know the story, I knew it all too well, it was just - I felt nervous, sharing my personal life with a teammate, especially one like her. One I liked a bit more than the others...  
"What is it Robin, you can tell me. If it is secret then I swear on my Baumgor's life I would not tell." She crossed an X over her heart and put three fingers up. I laughed and brought her down from the air by her arm. "Yes, that would be nice, thank you." I said, clearing my throat to finally speak. She was smiling, as mine faded into a frown, tension coming back to place between us. I took in deep breaths, calming my nerves.  
"Christmas - it - it doesn't hold great memories, for me." I confessed at last, and it felt good to say that out loud. I felt relieved.  
"But, Beast Boy tells me Christmas is the most happiest, most best holiday ever!" Star squealed. I pressed a finger to her lips, which were soft, and hushed her.  
"Yes, I know it is. But not for me." I looked away, suddenly unable to face her. What if I was like the ones who hurt me? What if I hurt her? Or the rest of the team? I couldn't let that happen.  
"Why?" She asked. Well, I was in too far now, I had to tell her. There was no going back.  
"Well, because...because that's when my-" Suddenly Beast Boy's hoarse voice called to us from down the hall. We both looked out, seeing his small form heading our way from a distance. I sighed, maybe it was a sign, I shouldn't tell anyone my troubles. Starfire looked at me, her hands slipping out of mine, I hadn't even noticed they'd been there. "Robin?" She stressed, eyes watering up. I put on a smile, touching her cheek to comfort her. "It's Ok, we'll talk later." I mumbled. She nodded, quickly flying out to Beast Boy and chatting with him excitedly. Pretty soon I joined them, and we finally departed for Joe's Pizza.

~o0o~

Long after lunch, when the sun began setting and the stars began to twinkle, we Titans gathered in the living room, ready to share gifts. My eyes kept flickering over to Starfire who sat opposite me, it didn't help that her eyes kept flicking to me too. Someone was going to get suspicious. Beast Boy wore a Santa Clause hat and beard, his regular purple and black outfit decorated with puffy white ribbons to give him the jolly look. He jumped from behind the tree with a sack full of gifts, and grinned at us. Starfire was the only one to clap, while Cyborg mocked him and the rest of us just watched.  
"Ho Ho Ho, Merry Christmas!" The green man shouted. We chuckled. "First up we have a gift! From - er - Secret Santa!" He was sure to give us a big wink, handing the gift to Starfire. This year the two of them made us do Secret Santa, but then they went out and bought a bunch of random gifts for all of us to throw us off. They think we don't know, but I'm pretty sure we all do.  
"Up next, another Secret Santa! For Raven!" He tossed a box to Raven, not too hard to guess what was inside. She frowned, glaring out from the darkness her hood provided. I grinned at her and shook my head, she smiled.  
"And another Secret Santa folks! Wow this isn't too bad a Christmas after all!" Beast Boy tossed one to Cyborg, adjusting his beard afterwards and shuffling through the bag.  
"For you Robin, from Secret Santa." He handed one to me, it was gingerly wrapped in red yellow and green, a petite bow tied on top in the colour red. I shook it carefully, eyes scanning over it.  
"And one for me!" He pulled out his own, crappily-wrapped box and hugged it. "Okay, who would like to go first? Any takers?" He taunted, shuffling his box around in front of him. "No one? Okat I'll go then!" He shouted before anyone had the chance to raise their hand or speak up. Raven rolled her eyes and muttered something nasty about him that no one caught, sulking on her side of the couch. Beast Boy stood before us and unwrapped his gift, exclaiming in fake-surprise when he found another Xbox game inside.  
"Hey! No way man! You bought that for yourself yesterday!" Cyborg shouted from the couch. "I know 'cause I was with you, man what's wrong witchu!" He continued to rant. Raven burst into laughter, and held her gut. Starfire seemed confused, while Beast Boy shrugged it off.  
"So what, it's from a Secret Santa, so what if I'm the Santa." He chuckled at his so-called genius, and ordered the next person to go. Starfire opened hers up. She squealed in delight, dancing in the air while holding her gift.  
"What is it Star?" Beast Boy asked eagerly. She spun around and held up a spatula, as if it were some golden trophy. She started giggling.  
"You call that a gift? That's like, something you buy after you've broken the first one. Not a Christmas gift." Raven deadpanned, scoffing and scooting further into darkness.  
"It is lovely! Beautiful! Mm-mwa!" She kissed the utensil and spun around with it some more, giggling to her heart's content. "I will use this to make breakfast in the morning!" She squealed.  
"My turn!" Cyborg interrupted, while Star continued to make up songs about her present. He tore open his packaging, it's a wonder he didn't break the gift, to find an Xbox remote, brand new. Two of them, he found as he investigated.  
"Aw man! What is this, this is epic! Who did this, c'mon, who got me this?" He praised excitedly. We all turned to Beast Boy who gladly hopped over and started rambling on and on about the control's features.  
"Friends! We must not get carried away!" Star shouted above their chatter.  
"It is Raven's turn to open a gift." She insisted. Beast Boy and Cy lowered their voices but continued to fanboy over it, while we watched Raven open her square gift. A book lay inside the wrapping, one she'd apparently had her eye on forever at the book store.  
"This is amazing!" She murmured, eyeing the cover with a strange new enthusiasm that wasn't fit for her. Meanwhile, Cy lifted his head from his conversation and spat out a "you're welcome" before returning to their chatter.  
Raven hugged the book, then opened the first page delicately, like it would fall apart if she were rough.  
"Your turn Rob." Beast Boy pointed out, much to my chagrin. I'd of liked to open it without all their vicious stares bearing into my skin. Nonetheless, I unwrapped the packaging to find keys inside a big box. I stared at them, I recognised them.  
"Look out the window Robin!" Starfire squealed. I did as I was told, still staring at the keys which I held in front of me. Outside, down below, I spotted my bike all polished and new. Last week I'd had a nasty wreck which left my bike totalled. I turned to Star.  
She giggled. "I had it fixed for you at a garage, do you approve?" She grinned.  
"Approve?! I love it! This was the perfect gift, thank you Star." We held our eyes together for a few moments, silently making plans to meet later so I could tell her what I didn't get to earlier.  
"Oooh, look out. I think they're about to get it on." Cyborg teased. "Ew! Get a room!" Beast Boy shouted in disgust. I turned and glared at the two of them, flashing a brief smile to Raven when she hit them upside the head with our coffee table. Star returned to her place as did I.

The rest of the evening went by in a breeze, we opened gifts in cycles and thanked each other, most of them were from Star and Beast Boy, a few from the others. At last the excitement had died down, and some of us got up for eggnog and hot cocoa while others picked up the wrapping-paper mess. Cy and Beast Boy got into a fun fight, tossing the paper at each other. I rolled my eyes at them. Raven hugged her cup of cocoa, her new books snug under her arm, and watched the boys play. Star fixed herself some eggnog and giggled at the beeping of the microwave. That was my cue to get my cup out. The steaming mug warmed my hands immediately, singeing my tongue on the way down. I coughed slightly, but didn't make much of a ruckus. Star sat on the couch again, staring at a picture of her Tamaran family which she received by mail. I don't know how exactly, but they managed to get it to her. My smile vanished at the thought, jealousy consuming me. Her family, despite being millions of light-years away, still cared enough and managed to get her a gift that would arrive exaclty on Christmas Day. How was it that my family, who lived on the same planet, and continent for that matter, couldn't manage the same? At least a card would be nice, but I received nothing. No sign that they still cared, no signs that they wanted to reconcile, nothing. Only a distant memory still fresh in my mind, one that pained me with just the thought. And that angered me, so much, that they could just one day pack up and leave, without second thought to their only son.

"Hey Robin!" Beast Boy shouted, interrupting my unpleasant thoughts. I loosened my grip on my mug, setting it down on the counter. "Rob!" He shouted again.  
"What?" I replied angrily. Raven seemed to be the only one who caught my tone, shooting me a look. I just glared back, she turned away.  
"You have one more gift!" I furrowed my brow, coming closer. My guard was up, this could be another of their pranks. But when I got closer I saw that he was right, there was one more box for me. He read who it was from out loud, jolting my heart. "It's from - John Sparrow." I froze. Snatching the box from him, I stared at the familiar name. _John Sparrow, John Sparrow. _It replayed in my head over and over, it couldn't be possible.  
I tore open the paper, just staring at the taped brown box. This was it, the news I waited for. I flipped out a knife from my utility belt, slicing through the tape. What lay inside stunned me beyond belief; the nerve...

"What is it?" Beast Boy jumped up to look. What met his eyes didn't shock him as much, in fact, it disappointed him. "Don't you already have a-"  
I slammed the flaps closed, eyes pressed shut as well. Soon I couldn't handle it, and walked out the door. I ran as fast as I could to the roof, nothing could stop me, I didn't hear anyone try, but then again my mind was blocked to everything but my raging anger.  
Once on the roof, I ran to the ledge, prepared to toss my gift overboard. But something stopped me. I couldn't throw it no matter how much I wanted to. I just stood, still as stone. The wind hushed my racing mind, my eyes drifted shut and I waited; for what? I don't know...I just, waited.

The clicking of the trap door brought my focus back, and I turned around. Starfire hesitated to come near me, I could tell she was afraid. "Star-" I stopped, unable to say anything.  
"You have us worried, Robin. Who is this John Sparrow, and why does he make you run away?" She questioned, her eyes showing so much pain. I caused that pain, and I'm truly sorry.  
"No one." I mumbled in response, dropping my gift to the ground beside me as I sat. Star hesitated, but she eventually came to join me.  
"Does this have to do with what you were about to say to me at lunch?" She asked politely. I nodded. She glanced into my gift box, and pulled out the item. I cringed,  
"Why did you get mad? It is only a baseball glove..." She curiously looked it over, but I couldn't stand to see it anymore. I pushed it back into the box and sighed. "It was mine. When I was a kid, my - dad - gave it to me once." I stared at the setting sun, the rising stars, the midnight sky. Star was silent, until she couldn't hold back her questions. She didn't know it but, I really appreciated our friendship, she was just so perfect. Too perfect, I knew one day I'd hurt her, like I was bound to hurt everyone I knew. I was always the one getting them into trouble, bringing danger to our team, maybe some of us are just meant to do nothing but hurt others, and we should spend our lives alone.  
"Robin, please tell me what you were about to say. I know I am just your teammate, but I want to help-" Instinctively my hand fell on hers to keep her from running away, like the others had.  
"No. Star, you're more than just my teammate." Beast Boy's teasing echoed my subconscious and I removed my hand. "You're my friend." I corrected myself, unable to look into her eyes.  
"Please." She whispered.  
I took a deep breath. "It was a long time ago, but I still remember it like it was yesterday." I began, recalling every step I took that day, and repeating it to her.

It was Christmas eve, my father and I had just returned from buying my mother a gift. He and I wore our matching baseball caps, I wore the glove which was now in that box. Mum greeted us when we came in, all was right, all was normal. Nothing was out of the ordinary, I had no reason to suspect anything. I was eight years old at the time, just an innocent little boy. Anyway, we snuck into the house around back so Mum wouldn't see her gift. We wrapped it in my bedroom and placed it under the tree with the others. It was just a small gift, a tiny box. But it was expensive. Father tucked me in that night, he wanted to take the glove off my hand but I refused, I wanted to sleep with it close. He laughed and finally let me. We said goodnight and he shut the door, turning out the light as he did so. I closed my eyes, completely unaware of what was coming. In the morning I woke the earliest, the most excited about that day. Christmas was my favourite holiday, now it is my least because when I ran out into my parent's room that morning and jumped on their bed to wake them, they were gone.

"No note was left, no one was sent over to watch me, I was completely alone." Bitterness laced my tone as I finished, exhaling and then glancing at my one man audience. She only stared sadly at the ground.  
"All the gifts were as we'd left them, except, the crystal necklace we bought my mother was gone. I assume they took it with them, but didn't have the decency to take with them their own son." Starfire looked at me and gripped my arm, eyes tearing up.  
"Robin, that is awful. I can't believe-" I pulled her into a hug, never ever wanting to succumb to my innermost desire to leave the team for their own safety. It wouldn't be for their own safety, I knew, it would only cause more heartache and grief. I never wanted to be my father, I never wanted to leave them. They were everything to me.  
Still embracing each other very close, reveling in the warmth it created, Star let a sob slip accidentally. I pushed her back and looked to her face; yep, tears were streaming down her rosy cheeks.  
"Star, I didn't mean to hurt you." I mumbled, on the verge of breaking down myself.  
"No, Robin. It is all right, it is you who is hurting. I'm so sorry that happened." She shook her head and tried not to cry, the wind howling around us and covering up her shaky sobs. I couldn't think of what to say.  
"Robin, we are your family now." Star spoke up. "And we would never abandon you. Please, do not push your friends away when you need them most. You could have just said the Christmas was bad for you, we would have not celebrated." She insisted. I laughed, wiping the tears off her cheeks for her. "Star, I wouldn't expect that of you. I've gotten through other Christmas's, this is not my first. But it's yours, so, how was it?" Our eyes met, twinkles in them both. She laughed and tossed her head around to view the ocean.  
"It was wonderful." She murmured, leaning her head onto my shoulder. The contact made me shiver, but I didn't push her away. I didn't mind sitting like this.  
"I liked it very much." She added wistfully. I wrapped an arm around her, to keep her warm I told myself, and rested my head on hers. I was the one always pushing the rule of 'no dating teammates' because it only adds drama and chaos, yet here I was, with the girl I secretly, deep deep down loved, on a romantic rooftop snuggling together. At the moment, I didn't care for formalities, all I wanted was for the moment to never end. But it did.

A few minutes later we started talking again, breaking the comfortable silence draped over us. "Robin, it is cold." Starfire shivered in my arms, her nose a bright pink. I agreed and we stood, she picked up my box before I could leave it, and looked up at me like she wasn't sure of something.  
"Did-did you want this?" She asked. I stared at the glove, waves of nostalgia crashing over me. I wished desperately for those simpler times before being disowned. I couldn't believe after all this time they'd send this as a gift, or any gift. My previous wishings that they would were now erased. This was a terrible idea, I wished they never thought of it.  
"No. But, I'll take it." I held out a hand to take the object, and she placed it in my hands delicately. "He promised we'd go play catch in the park, despite the snow, after we opened presents. Now can you believe this? It just doesn't make sense." I shook my head, stuffing the worn glove into its box and turning to walk away.

Inside was dark. Everyone had gone to their rooms, we assumed. As we walked the halls in silence a thought occurred to me.  
"Star?" I stopped and turned to her. She patiently listened. "Do you miss your Tamaranian family?" I asked. A big smile grew on her face as she thought up her reply, giggling before she let it out.  
"Well of course I do! But Robin, you are my new family. I would not trade you for the world, true I would love to be able to visit them more often, but I made my choice to stay and live on Earth with my friends, and I do not regret that." She explained. I smiled, one could really take a hint from someone like her.  
"Yeah. I guess if my parents hadn't abandoned me I wouldn't be where I am now. I wonder how different my life would be if they hadn't left..." I mused. Suddenly she screamed, earning my immediate attention. Fully alert, I looked to where she pointed. Right above us someone had stuck a bit of mistletoe...oh dear.

"Beast Boy has told me of this! It is called the Mistletoe, and when two people stand under it they're supposed to-" She clamped up as she suddenly realised where she was going with it. Her cheeks blushed a deep crimson, and she pulled up her yellow scarf to hide her face.  
"Yes, I know." I muttered awkwardly, blushing as well. She giggled but tried to stifle it. Whoever put this here knew we'd walk through at this moment, I didn't notice it up before. I held my face and shook my head, I'd find a way to get back at Beast Boy and Cyborg, somehow.  
"Well, goodnight Robin." Star hastily muttered, whipping around to face her door just behind her. "Wait!" I grabbed her arm before she could leave. She turned and faced me, still blushing, and leaned against the wall.  
"When two people stand under the mistletoe, they're supposed to kiss." I finished her previous statement with a twinkle in my eye. She blushed harder, but seemed to get my meaning. She gulped, I leaned in close, figuring it couldn't hurt anything. It would be just this once anyway, no one was around to tease us, so I leaned in and before I knew it our lips met in a spark igniting kiss. We held it there for almost five seconds, neither of us pulling away.  
When I at last pulled back she was smiling as if her dreams had just come true. I grinned and chuckled, and she slipped into her bedroom. Giggles came from behind me; fully embarrassed and red-faced, I whirled around to catch whoever saw us. Beast Boy's door barely slid shut in time. _Grr, those two! _I thought, anger fuming. But I was tired from our long day, and decided upon exacting my revenge tomorrow at training. Oh boy were they in for it.

As I threw myself in bed and turned off my lamp, I wondered what exactly Starfire was doing in the other room. Was she thinking of me as I was her? Well, I'd never know. I turned over and yawned, shutting my eyes so I could drift off into a peaceful sleep.


End file.
